


The Losses We Share (And Those We Don't)

by Tuvstarrs



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Banter, Despite everything, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, LLF Comment Project, Porn With Plot, Repeated misscarriages, Smut, pregnancy loss, struggling to cope, triggers!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-08-26 09:46:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16679263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuvstarrs/pseuds/Tuvstarrs
Summary: How do you pick yourself up when the future you have dreamed about slips through your fingers over and over despite your desperate tries to hold on?Hanabi struggles to answer that question when her dream of becoming a mother grows fainter with every miscarriage her and Konohamaru suffer through.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Trigger! As can be seen in the summary, this fic will explore mature themes such as repeated miscarriage/pregnancy loss which may be triggering for some. Other mature themes such as descriptions of injury and smut will also be included. 
> 
> If this isn’t your cup of tea, please stop reading now, if it is, please let me know what you thought! :)
> 
> Many thanks to my wonderful Beta Readers iBloo and Spacerune! This fic has been in the making for more than six months, and without your never-ending patience and encouragement, it would never have seen the light of day. Love you, girls!

Hanabi snuck into the bathroom as soon as he sat down on the couch. It was clear as day that he was exhausted, and she wanted to hear all about the mission, but later. Right now she had something more important to do. When the two blue stripes appeared, she covered her mouth with her hand and took a few deep breaths, it was all she could do to not give everything away right there and then.

Leaving the bathroom and walking over to him, as much as she tried she couldn’t completely stop the smile from betraying her. Konohamaru looked up and had barely opened his mouth to ask what she was grinning about when she held the stick up in the air, practically waving it in his face.

Hanabi saw him frown in confusion for a moment before his eyes widened, and he looked up at her in shock, “Is this what I think it is?”

She raised an eyebrow, rolling her eyes; he always had to confirm everything verbally. “Well, it’s not a lollipop, if that’s what you’re asking,” she teased and giggled when she saw the exasperated look he gave her.

“Haha, hilarious,” he retorted and pinched the tissue-wrapped test from her with his fingertips and dropping it on the floor before pulling her down on his lap, all exasperation lost when she kissed him.

“Yes, it is exactly what you think it is. You, Mr Sarutobi, are going to be a dad,” Hanabi laughed. The look on his face was priceless. She almost wished she would have thought of grabbing a camera. 

“But, how? I, uh—--I mean, I know how, but how long have you known?” he asked, trying to get a grasp of the situation.

“I was starting to suspect it before you left but wanted to be more certain before I said something. I only took the test a minute ago though; I didn’t want to confirm anything until you were home again,” she explained and had to bite her lip at his face. Konohamaru was one of those guys who completely lacked any kind of poker face, whatsoever, and the emotions he showcased right now only made her love him more. There was excitement, ecstatic joy, and a good portion of nervousness mixed in too. 

“I’m going to be a dad,” he muttered, clearly trying to process this new information by voicing it out loud, then looked up at her with a grin from ear to ear, “And you’re going to be a mum!”

… 

The next couple of weeks went by faster than Hanabi could imagine. They agreed not to tell anyone until the traditional twelve weeks had passed. She could see that Konohamaru was disappointed. He most likely wanted to tell everybody straight away, but he wasn’t about to deny her wish.

Hanabi was pretty sure she could have asked for the moon and he would have found a way to give it to her.

The only ones they told were Sakura, as he insisted that she went to see her straight away, and Naruto, as he was adamant she was not allowed out in the field on active duty. She got a little bit peeved about that but could see the sense in what he was saying. Female shinobi were, as a rule, relieved of field duty when carrying. Besides, she had been taking on less and fewer missions anyhow since stepping up and taking over after her dad as Clan leader.

There were endless talks about the new addition to their little family. Ponderings and speculations, who was it going to take after? Would it be a boy or a girl? What names would suit?

She was tiring quite quickly, but his excitement was contagious.

She didn’t feel much morning-sickness, or any other the symptoms at all and considered herself lucky. She went to see Sakura and got confirmed that everything was as it should. They found out that she was roughly eight weeks pregnant, and listened to the heartbeat. Hanabi rolled her eyes when she heard Konohamaru sucking in a sniffling breath beside her and teased him about being overly emotional about it. She would deny to the day that she died, that his eyes weren’t the only ones wet.

…

About a month later, well and truly into her eleventh week, Hanabi came down with a cold. It started with a temperature in the afternoon that soon turned into the chills. Konohamaru suggested that she should take a nap and tried to make her as comfortable as possible before he turned off the lights and stepped out of the room to finish some paperwork. 

Okay, so he could be a bit overprotective, but she knew that it came from a good place and it was really sweet. Plus, the fever was making her tired. 

Closing her eyes, she soon drifted off to sleep.

First, she couldn’t tell what had woken her up. She still felt cold though, despite the thick blankets, and a quick glance at the clock told her at it was well past midnight. She had slept the whole day! Sure, the pregnancy was making her sleepy, but this was _ridiculous_. 

Then she noticed a dull cramp in her lower stomach.

Laying still for a little while, listening to the light snoring next to her signalling that her husband had indeed snuck into bed at some point, Hanabi wished that the cramps would go away so that she could go back to sleep. When the cramping increased rather than subsiding, she decided to get up, perhaps some tea would make her feel a bit better.

Hanabi had barely gotten out of bed when the cramping in her stomach turned into sharp stabbing pains, strong enough to make her double over and gasp for air. She realised, in horror, that she felt something wet between her legs, first a small trickle, but soon her shorts were soaked in blood, covering her thighs and dripping down on the floor.

She cried out, rousing Konohamaru from his sleep and making him jump out of bed when he found her crouched on the floor.

“Hanabi! Talk to me, what’s wrong?” he asked, kneeling beside her.

_It’s the baby. Something is wrong with our baby, I can feel it._

“I-I don’t know. My stomach hurts and I’m bleeding, a lot.”

Noticing all the blood, he swallowed, steeling his voice. “I’m taking you to the hospital, right now.” he decided. She could clearly hear the panic underneath the blanket of calmness he had clad himself in as he scooped her up in his arms.

Within moments they arrived at the entrance to the hospital. She heard him scream for help, stirring a ray of activity in the sleepy halls. A bunch of people arrived, and a doctor was paged as she was asked questions and being put on a stretcher and wheeled down the hall. A nurse asked him to stay in the waiting room and first, he refused but Hanabi squeezed his hand and gave him a quick nod.

As he was being pushed out of the door, she heard him frantically explain that she was pregnant, and a stillness settled in the room.

She heard him demand an explanation: why had they slowed down?!

Seeing the nurses looking at each other and then down on her in sympathy, _she knew_.

“I’m so sorry, Hanabi- san,” one of them said. “You’re losing the baby. Once the process has started, there is nothing we can do.”

…

She stayed until the morning. The morphine they gave her helped against the stabbing cramps in her stomach and a numbness extending beyond her physical body settled. 

Despite feeling exhausted, she couldn’t sleep. 

He stayed by her side, holding her hand through the night and smiling comfortingly, trying to wordlessly make her look at him.

She didn’t though.

The same mantra went through her head, over and over and over.

Why did this happen? What could she have done differently? Was it her fault? 

It must have been.

Perhaps he didn’t blame her, but she sure did.

…

Life returned to normal oddly fast. Everybody moved through their daily lives as if hers hadn’t been pulled out from underneath her feet and stopped ticking. She resumed her duties, as did he, and perhaps his awkward attempts to comfort her didn’t completely remove the guilt she buried deep beneath, but his earnest, often ridiculous efforts to put a smile on her face slowly eased the pain a little. 

One day at the time. 

Still, Hanabi kept close track of the weeks passing by. Thinking of how big her belly would have been each week if she hadn’t lost her child and counting down to the ‘date.’ Asking herself who it would have taken after and fantasizing about everything from personality to gender.

She fell pregnant again a few months later. 

This time she felt extremely sick in the mornings. That’s how she realised she was carrying again. She hoped this meant that things would be different since she hadn’t had a day of morning sickness the last time. 

It was harder to tell him this time, but by the way Konohamaru’s eyes lit up with joy, and how he picked her up to do a little spin before _quickly_ putting her down when she threatened to puke on him, she realised she had not needed to worry at all. 

Hanabi made it to seven weeks before she lost the second one. 

Konohamaru wasn’t home. 

She spent the night on the floor while the cramps clutched at her insides as she felt herself losing yet another small glimpse of a future she had begun to dare hope for. Unwilling to go to the hospital as they couldn’t help her and dreading to call anyone to let them know that she had failed, again, she lay there, in agony, until morning came. 

Hanabi couldn’t make herself tell him over the phone, and as it turned out, she couldn’t make herself tell him when he came home either. Konohamaru soon noticed that something wasn’t quite right though, and when he pulled her in for a hug she broke down, crying hysterically.

The third time she had barely even realised she was pregnant before she lost it. Hanabi noted bitterly that it barely hurt this time, figuring it was either because she wasn’t far gone, or that her body was adjusting to having miscarriages 

How could she tell him? To find out that you were going to be a dad, and then not, within the same minute. How could she do that to him?

…

A year had gone by and with three failed pregnancies behind her, Hanabi felt hollow. Despite food tasting the same, she held little appetite. While people greeted her in the same way they always had, she felt no joy seeing even those she held close. She was the one that was changing, but only on the inside. Chipped away little at the time, Hanabi wondered how long she could keep going without losing her core self.

The doctors were telling her to keep trying. Since she fell pregnant it meant that neither of them was infertile. _No shit, Shimura! Hanabi wanted to scream._ And that the chances were high that she could eventually carry a child full term.

The second year Hanabi got more determined. They had sex at the right time each month, methodically, and soon she was pregnant again. Ordered bed-rest from day one, Hanabi took care of clan business from her bedroom. It was maddening to be locked inside her own home, but if it helped, if this was what she needed to do, then she would do it a thousand times over. 

Hanabi made it more than halfway. Her stomach had begun to grow, and she found herself constantly caressing her bump. Knowing that on the inside her own little miracle was growing, was indescribable. 

Once she had started showing, all the mums she knew began coming with advice and sharing their stories, one more terrifying than the other. Hanabi did _not_ need to know that Sakura’s labour had taken thirty-eight hours, or that Temari went _two weeks_ past her due date. However, she did appreciate when Hinata told her about the first kick she experienced carrying Boruto, and Hanabi called her sister, crying, when she felt her baby’s first kick. She had heard the other mums complain about not being able to wear the clothes they used to when their bellies grew, but Hanabi could not be more excited the day she realised that she had to extend the obi strap on her hakama pants as she couldn’t make the usual knot anymore. 

With everything progressing normally, she managed to convince herself that it would continue that way. 

She should have known better.

When she lost this one, something broke inside her. 

Since she had made it so far, they counted the miscarriage as a stillborn, and she had to actually push out her own dead child. 

They buried the little girl. Hanabi knew her name even before she was born. 

Nozomi. 

Hope. 

Hanabi thought she was going insane. Endless ruminating clawing at her mind like a sick mantra focused on ruining, rather than healing. She lost count of the nights she cried herself to sleep, curled up in his arms while he stroked her hair, mumbling nothings. There really wasn’t much he could say.

_How can you miss something that never was?_

_How do you grieve smiles that never existed and laughter that was never heard?_

_How can you collect memories to treasure and cherish in the future when the past never happened?_

_How do you mourn emptiness?_

The pain didn’t go away, it just dulled over time. 

Hinata had started spending more time with her. While Hanabi was grateful, seeing Boruto and Himawari come over to visit was a double-edged sword she kept cutting herself on. It was hard not to think about the first time she held them as newborns, and how she had watched them grow up. Boruto was a chunin now, and Himawari showed all the signs of becoming just as lovely a lady as her mother. 

Her sister had had two beautiful children without any trouble, so why couldn’t she? 

Konohamaru struggled too. Despite never saying a word, she could see it in his eyes and in the way his lopsided grins had begun to take on a forced appearance. The constant grieving was tearing at him as well, and she wondered how much more they could both take. 

The following four pregnancies went fast, as she lost them quickly, within a month, or two at the most.

During the third year, she felt her and Konohamaru glide apart. She saw it happening but didn’t know how to stop it. He gritted his teeth whenever she tried to discuss it, keeping his thoughts to himself, and at some point, began to spend less and less time at home. Even when not on duty. 

...

Hanabi knew that she was irrational. But knowing and acting are two entirely different things.

Konohamaru was leaving again, on another mission.

They had tried to have a baby for more than three years now. A total of ten failed pregnancies. Sometimes they made it almost half-way, and sometimes only a few weeks in, but always with the same result.

She was barren.

Well, it wasn’t exactly true. Her womb was just not the best at doing its job. But when the end result was the same, who cared about technicalities? 

She wasn’t sure how much more she could take.

She, the leader of the esteemed Hyuuga Clan, couldn’t carry a child to continue the clan.

The guilt was eating her alive and things between her and Konohamaru had deteriorated as well. Their fights had gotten worse and begun to come more and more frequently. She knew he was grieving too, and frustrated with how things were, but they couldn’t seem to break out of the toxicity that had gathered between them.

They rarely slept together anymore.

Sex had become a chore that he shied away from, preferring to stay out and drink with his friends, or alone, rather than coming home to her. She knew that he didn’t sleep well, he was constantly exhausted—even now she saw the dark circles underneath his eyes—and hungover. 

Everything combined bred the nagging suspicion that he had begun seeing someone else instead, and the thought was growing ever thicker in her mind.

Most likely the cute blonde he had been teaming up with lately.

Despite trying to suppress the thought she felt like she was going to rot from the inside if she didn’t get it out. It hurt, and somewhere, deep down in her most shameful self, she wanted him to hurt too.

“Are you sleeping with her?”

That got his attention. He paused halfway through zipping his vest and stared at her in disbelief. “I--what?”

“Please be honest,” she asked, hating how beggingly the words came out. “Are you sleeping with her?” she repeated, and once the words had slipped out, all her doubts, fears, and guilt escaped—creating an avalanche she couldn’t stop. “If you are, why don’t you go and have a baby with her instead? We both know _I’m_ the problem. It’s _my_ fault,” she spat out bitterly, and the pain flashing by in his eyes at the low blow almost made her want to take it all back. But it was too late, the words hung in the air between them.

He sighed.

“Honestly, Hanabi. Do you hear yourself? None of this is your fault. And she has nothing to do with us. Gods, she’s a kid. I don’t even think she’s turned twenty. Sure, she’s a skilled nin, but we were teamed up so she could gather experience. That’s all. You know this, right?”

It was true. She did know, but it didn't stop the hurt of rejection gnawing at that aching, empty spot inside. She wanted something, _someone_ to blame. 

“So why won’t you come to me anymore?” she bit out through teeth gritted in a vain attempt to stop the shameful, treacherous tears from overflowing.

His shoulders sagged even as he walked over to her and took her in his arms.

Hanabi felt his chest rise and fall as he tried to gather whatever it was he wanted to say. “I’ve been thinking. Perhaps we aren’t meant to have a child. Not all couples do. Perhaps we should just stop trying. But please, believe me. You’re the one I love. The only one I’ve ever loved and will love. With or without children, you’re the one I want to be with.”

She heard the words, heard him, and how he struggled to convey them. Despite knowing that they came from a desperate attempt to comfort her, they filled her with rage. 

It wasn’t fair. 

Everyone around her was starting families of their own. She had the added pressure of producing a Hyuuga heir too. She led the clan, and it was her responsibility to keep the lineage going. Furthermore, setting aside every stupid clan responsibility, she longed for a child. Yes, she loved her niece and nephew, but she also wanted a family of her own. He knew that, and here he came and suggested that they should just _stop_? As if that would solve their problems?

Pushing herself away from his hug, Hanabi glared at him. “So, you’re just giving up? I didn’t know you were a coward,” she lashed out, and for the second time within a minute she saw his eyes darken with hurt before they narrowed. 

“Seriously, now you’ve resorted to mocking? I was only suggesting it because I can see how it’s hurting you, and yeah, fair enough, I’m tired too. But I’m not going to stand here to be your punching bag to let you take out all your frustrations on,” he bit out through gritted teeth before taking a deep breath. “See you when I come back. Hopefully, you’ve calmed down by then,” he finished, slamming the door behind him on the way out. 

Only when she was sure that he wouldn’t hear her—or return—did she allow herself to sink to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest and hiding the tears in her hands.


	2. Chapter 2

It was around midday two days later when she received a phone call from the hospital of one of the neighbouring towns, Pebbles, and she almost dropped the phone. Her chest tightening in fear when she heard what the nurse had to say.

As soon as they finished the conversation, she rushed to the Hokage tower. With her heart hammering in her chest, she stormed into her brother-in-law’s office without knocking.

“Lord Seventh, I just heard—” she started, but stopped herself when he looked up from the stack of documents in front of him and gave her a quick nod and smile, unbothered by her unconventional entrance.

“Hanabi-chan,” he greeted. “I assume the hospital reached you? I gave them your number.”

“Yes, they did. I—”

“Want to go there?”

She blinked at his straightforwardness and nodded slightly.

“Sure,” he continued. “You have permission, but didn’t they tell you? Once they finish patching him up, he’s being transported to Konoha.”

“Yes, they did. They told me the rural hospital he was taken to doesn’t do larger surgeries, especially since it’s only a few hours from Konoha. I just…” 

“I get it. You go. You’d probably arrive before he leaves. And—” Naruto stopped himself, scratched at his neck, sighed, and shook his head. “Tell him to be a little bit more careful, will ya? Or else I’ll put him on front-gate guard duty, _permanently._ Wish him well from me, ‘kay?”

“I will. Thank you,” Hanabi answered and with a quick nod she turned heel as soon as she finished.

When she arrived, she was appointed to the waiting room and told he would soon come out of the theatre after being examined and healed.

His teammate was there—Fuumi was her name Hanabi had to remind herself. She really was cute, Hanabi thought before pushing all nasty thoughts down. From what Hanabi had been told over the phone, she was the reason he was alive right now.

Hanabi thanked her for everything she had done for Konohamaru and asked if she could tell Hanabi what had happened.

“Ah, please don’t mention it, Hanabi-san,” she said nervously, flailing her arms in the air in a dismissive manner. “I only hope that he’ll be okay. When the building collapsed on top of us, he got struck by a huge bearing bar. It hit his shoulder and pinned him down. Then more debris fell down, and he was covered in cement pieces. It was just lucky that I’m an Earth Style user. I got to him and used brought up a Rock Shelter around us, and when everything was finished, I helped free him from the bar. I brought him here as quick as I could. He was conscious the whole time, I think that’s a good sign? But disoriented and confused, so I think he might have a concussion...”

“It sounds like he owes you his life. I’m grateful.” Hanabi finished and dismissed the girl’s awkward denial of her part, accompanied by more hand flailing.

She really was a child, Hanabi thought. Still just a teenager, and an awkward one at that. But she was skilled and had helped Konohamaru, and Hanabi meant what she said, she truly was thankful.

It didn’t take long until a doctor showed up and told them that he was in recovery and that he soon would be transported to Konoha Hospital. Hanabi asked if they could see him and the doctor nodded, though adding that they usually only let immediate family into the recovery room to limit disturbance for the patients who were waking up. Fuumi quickly nodded and said that she completely understood and sat again.

Hanabi was shown to the room. It was filled with nurses moving in and out, and a couple of other patients as well.

The doctor explained that he had a concussion, a badly fractured shoulder and scapula, a large gash on his shoulder, and extensive deep tissue damage where the bar had struck. He had three broken ribs and had lost a lot of blood and received a blood transfusion to make up for it.

On the positive, no punctured lung.

They had patched him up temporarily, but as Hanabi could see, it was a smaller hospital which didn’t have the facilities to accommodate larger surgeries, nor the medical-nins to help out. Since Konoha Hospital was only a couple of hours away, standard procedures included all major surgeries being transferred there and his shoulder definitely fell under that bracket.

He looked awful, was the first thought that ran through Hanabi’s mind when she saw him, and the knot in her stomach tightened when she walked closer. His head was wrapped in bandages, and what wasn’t hidden underneath the gauze was bruised and scraped.

His shoulder was wrapped up too and put in a sling, and from what she could see, the better part of his chest as well.

She swallowed and walked up to him. Reaching out and taking his hand, she couldn’t help but try to remember the last time she had touched him like that. She wasn’t sure, but she knew it had been a while.

As the doctor had promised, it didn’t take long until his eyes fluttered, and he frowned, and let out a small groan.

A nurse came up to check up on him when she noticed he was about to wake up and checked his vitals before asking if he could hear her. Despite not having opened his eyes yet, he nodded slightly and Hanabi’s throat closed up seeing him at least semi-conscious. The nurse gave the approval to move him to the ward, and they made their way there.

It took several minutes for him to properly wake up. He blinked a couple of times before his eyes fell on the hand holding his, and his gaze travelled up to meet hers.

“Hanabi?” he asked, his voice groggy and with more than a hint of pain infused with the disorientation.

She didn’t think she could form a coherent sentence, so she simply nodded.

He gave a small smile in return before closing his eyes again, paling.

She squeezed his hand. “Can I do anything? Call the nurse? Get you some water, maybe?” she asked, but he just shook his head slightly.

“Feeling sick?” she asked, seeing how pale he was, and he gave a short nod.

“Mm, a bit. Pretty dizzy,” he admitted, and slowly opened his eyes again. “Where am I?”

“Oh, at Pebbles Hospital. You got hurt on your mission, remember?” she asked and tried not to let it show in her voice how his confusion worried her.

“...Right, the building. Yeah, I remember,” he said, and she sighed in relief. He was just groggy.

She heard someone approaching and looked up to see his teammate in the door, giving a small, awkward wave when Hanabi spotted her.

Konohamaru noticed her as well after following Hanabi’s gaze. He cleared his throat and gave another smile.

“Hey, Fuumi-chan. I think I owe you one helluva thank you,” he said, prompting the young woman to flail her hands in the air and deny all involvement again.

“I’m just happy you’re awake, Konohamaru-san. How do you feel?”

He snorted and winced slightly as his wounds made themselves known at the unexpected motion. “Like someone just dropped a building on me,” he muttered wryly.

Hanabi couldn’t help but roll her eyes at his failed attempt at a joke. At least his terrible sense of humour was intact.

Fuumi laughed nervously before throwing a glance between him and Hanabi. She explained that she had really wanted to stay until he woke up but that she would return to the employer now to explain what had happened. She wished him a quick recovery and said goodbye before leaving.

“Jittery little thing, that one,” Hanabi couldn’t resist commenting, prompting a chuckle from Konohamaru—and another wince.

“Well, what do you expect. Not many can withstand the glare of the infamous Hyuuga Hanabi.”

“Funny, very funny. Since you’re in such a joking mood, perhaps you don’t mind telling me how you got hurt?” she shot back sarcastically. He was clearly more awake—some of the colour on his cheeks had returned, and she really wanted to know what he had to say.

He closed his eyes again. A small gesture that reminded Hanabi that he had hurt his head too. As if his gauze-wrapped head was not enough.

Keeping them closed, he swallowed, and she couldn’t help wondering how nauseous he really felt.

“Well, we were supposed to investigate—”

“No, not that part. I’ve been informed of that. I mean how you were unable to dodge a falling bar. It should have been child’s play. So, what happened?

“Oh, um…I was focused on—”

“Not buying it.”

“What is it you want, Hanabi? Another fight? _Here? Now?_ ” he asked, voice low and eyes narrowed.

“...I—no, I don’t want to fight,” she answered, memories of their last fight flashing by with the added agony of knowing that had things ended differently, the last thing she would ever have told him was that he was a coward--for trying to make her feel better. “I—I just need you to be honest with me.”

Konohamaru sighed and opened his eyes slightly to look at her. “Don’t know what you want me to say. I got sloppy.”

“No, that’s not it. You were tired, exhausted. Weren’t you? Do you really think I don’t know that you’re barely sleeping? You shouldn’t have been on the mission in the first place.”

“Yeah, that’d definitely go down well. Sorry, can’t take any missions today. I need a nap,” he said sarcastically and closed his eyes again, either from sensory overstimulation or simply because he didn’t want to talk to her anymore. 

Hanabi couldn’t stop now though, couldn’t let their first real conversation in months end like all the others.

“Konohamaru, when they called from the hospital I was so afraid that I almost threw up. Knowing that you—I don’t want to fight. I’m just trying to make you see reason. You can’t keep taking missions when you can barely keep your eyes open. You’re a danger to yourself and your teammates,”

His eyes softened when he heard her. “Well, it isn’t like I’ll be going on any missions in any foreseeable future now anyhow,” he said and nodded to his mauled shoulder.

They didn’t get any further in their conversation before being interrupted by a knock on the door, and the same doctor who had shown Hanabi to the recovery room entered. He greeted them both and explained to Konohamaru what he told Hanabi earlier, and that hospital transportation was ready.

Two paramedics wheeled him away, and her gut twisted when she watched him grit his teeth and clutch the sling with his uninjured hand against the slightest jolt of the stretcher.

The thunder train to Konoha had a special section in the middle for medical transports. She was offered to come to ride either at the front or in the middle with him and the other paramedic, on the condition that she remained seated the whole ride.

She chose the back.

She hadn’t been on this route before, the line being a fairly new construction, but she had to admit, this was by far the smoothest ride she had ever been in. Despite that, Konohamaru quickly paled and tensed at even the slightest rattle and jerk of the train, and Hanabi only realised when they finally arrived that she had balled her fists so tight during the trip that her nails had left crescent-shaped marks in the palm of her hand.

Once they arrived he was moved into an examination room, and soon Sakura popped her head in.

“Okay, I’ve read the report from the medical-nin who performed the initial healing of the superficial wounds and stitched the larger one on your shoulder, but let me take a look at you as well?” Sakura asked, and moved her hands over his shoulder to investigate the damage when he nodded.

Sakura frowned and hummed thoughtfully to herself as the green light glowed and she moved her hands around. When she was finished, she put them down and looked at him.

“Well, you managed to stuff yourself up pretty good. The scapula—the shoulder blade has several severe fractures extending to the scapula neck and the socket itself as well. The broken ribs underneath I’m not too worried about. They are fairly clean fractures and will heal on their own with a few healing sessions, same with the concussion. Your shoulder, on the other hand, requires surgery as you were already told. We will set everything back in place with screws and plates to hold while several consecutive healing sessions will mend the damage done. You’ll become a cyborg!” she finished cheerily, flashing him a bright smile.

Konohamaru blinked.

“Say what?” he asked, and Hanabi swore that if he hadn’t already been so pale, he would have lost all the colour on his cheeks.

“I said, you are going to become a cyborg!” Sakura repeated with even more glee than before. Then she cocked her head to the side, dropped her grin and looked at him with a serious expression. “Honestly, from my understanding of the events, Konohamaru-kun, you should consider yourself lucky. If your neck or spine had been compromised, then you would be far worse off.”

Hanabi shuddered as Might Gai popped into her mind, and was grateful for the injury being relatively easy to fix, and seeing Konohamaru's expression, she suspected he was thinking the same. To give him something else to think about, she returned to the subject of cyborgs.

“Doesn’t it sound amazing, Konohamaru? A cyborg! I wonder if you’ll be magnetic? Or if you encountered a magnetic user, they could pull you in?”

Yepp, that did the trick. He looked at her with an equal mix of annoyance and exasperation. “I think I preferred it better when you were quiet.”

“Pffft, when have I ever remained quiet?”

“Sakura-san, can’t you ask her to wait outside or something?” he whined, giving her a look of pure suffering.

“Hm? Oh, no. The immediate family, you know. She is allowed in here,” Sakura answered and winked at Hanabi.

Konohamaru pinched the bridge of his nose with his uninjured hand and groaned, and Hanabi grinned smugly at his morose expression. He was outnumbered, and he knew it.

…

Not long after that, he was wheeled into surgery and Hanabi set to wait. His teammate came to the hospital, and Hanabi greeted her with a quick smile and a short update as the young girl sat down to wait too.

The sun had since long set before Sakura came to find them in the waiting room, and explained that the surgery was successful—not that Hanabi had ever doubted it—and that he was in recovery. He would soon be moved to the ward, but he wasn’t going to wake up until tomorrow.

They thanked her, and as Hanabi walked into recovery, his teammate went home.

…

“You should go home too, Hana-chan. It’s really late and he won’t be coming out of sedation until morning. I made sure of that,” Sakura said a little while later. She had changed out of her scrubs and into her usual attire. She seemed to be headed home when she popped her head into the ward.

“Oh, I’m okay. I’ll stay.”

“Listen, nothing is going to happen. He is fine, and he will be in here for a few days at least. Yes, he managed to get himself into a bit of a mess and will have a couple of rough weeks ahead of him. But with time—and some physiotherapy—he will be okay. You should go home and get some rest.”

“Thank you, but I think I’ll stay anyhow. If that’s okay?” Hanabi asked, and Sakura smiled understandingly.

“I’m heading home now then but will be back tomorrow morning. If it’s anything, please don’t hesitate to contact any of the nurses, okay?” Sakura said, turning to leave.

Hanabi chewed her lip. With the day’s events playing in her head on repeat she wanted to say something.

Talk to someone.

If she didn’t do it right there and then, she didn’t think she ever would. “Sakura-san,” she said, stopping the pinkette in her tracks, “I—um, I was wondering if I could ask you a question?”

“Yes. Absolutely,” Sakura smiled and Hanabi took a deep breath, hoping he wouldn’t resent her for doing this.

“Do...do you and Sasuke-san ever fight?”

“Oh, um. Well, yes. It happens. I think all couples fight sometimes. For many different reasons,” Sakura answered in earnest. She watched Hanabi fidget in her chair and throw quick glances Konohamaru’s way and smiled kindly. “Were you two fighting?”

“I—we, yes. A lot. And just before he left for the mission. I said some horrible things...”

“...I see. And now you feel guilty?”

Hanabi felt her throat close up at the last question. Biting her lip again, she absently noted that if this kept up, she wouldn’t have a lip left to chew on soon, and nodded slowly.

Sakura sighed and sat down next to her. “Do you want to talk about why you fight?”

She looked away, it was too hard to face Sakura’s gaze, as kind and inviting as it was. “Isn’t it obvious? You know everything that’s happened in the last few years.”

“It kind of is, yes. And if you don’t want to say it out loud, that’s okay too. But perhaps it would do you good?”

Hanabi sighed. “We’ve been falling apart. Growing more and more distant. He’s been avoiding me, or perhaps I pushed him away, I don’t even know anymore.”

“Hanabi, do you love him?”

Hanabi looked up when she heard the direct question, but Sakura didn’t seem like she was mocking her. She had cocked her head to the side, looking genuinely curious. The answer came without hesitation.

“Yes.”

“And do you want to fix it?”

Another easy question to answer.

“Yes.”

“Then you will have to find out if he feels the same way. And if he does, then you have nothing to worry about. You two will work it out. In your own time,” Sakura said, still with a kind smile on her lips. She stood and gave Hanabi a hug. “Perhaps this could lead to change?” 

_Then you’ll have to find out if he feels the same way._ She knew he did. He made that abundantly clear during their last fight, and she still pushed him away. But perhaps Sakura was right. Perhaps they could get a new start?

He had shown her where he stood. Now it was time for her to show him.

…

An hour or so after Sakura had left, Hanabi heard a knock on the window. When she saw Boruto waving from the outside she rolled her eyes.

Boruto gave her another quick wave as she let them in. “Hi, Big Sis. How is he?” he asked as he jumped in through the window before padding over to Konohamaru, closely followed by his two team members.

“He is okay, but sleeping and won’t wake up until the morning. Which I’m sure your mother already told you,” she answered, addressing the latter sentence to Sarada—the last to enter.

In contrast to the other two, Sarada at least had the decency to blush at the late intrusion.

“Hi, Hanabi-sensei. We’re really sorry to disturb you so late. You are right, mum told me about the accident and that you were here, so I just had to tell the others, and we decided to come and see him.”

Hanabi threw them all an unimpressed look. “It’s—” she glanced at the clock, “Well past one am. You should have come tomorrow.”

“But, Big Sis, we came to keep you company and watch over him.”

“You did what—? Absolutely not. Sneaking out in the middle of the night is not fine. You guys come back tomorrow. Don’t make me call your parents!”

“Hey! I’m almost sixteen!” Boruto argued, a protest slightly diminished by him lifting his hands in the air and waving them placatingly.

“You still live at home, don’t you? Are you really going to make me call your mother?” she threatened, and Boruto paled.

“Okay, okay. We’re leaving. Don’t call her!”

They said goodbye to them both and left the same way they came. Once Hanabi closed the window she shook her head and sat down next to him again. Only those three would come up with the idea.

It was sweet of them though, she had to admit.

…

The hours went by slowly, the monotony only broken by a nurse silently sneaking into the room a couple of times to check his vitals. They smiled at Hanabi and whisperingly asked if she was okay. When she nodded they left again. She wanted to stay awake until he woke up, and somewhere around four, she wished she had something to read.

…

She woke up with a start.

First, she didn’t understand where she was, or why her neck was so sore, but then she felt someone squeeze her hand and she looked up to see Konohamaru sitting upright in bed, watching tv without any sound on, not to disturb her no doubt, his legs crossed and grinning at her happily.

“You’re finally awake. Good morning, sleepyhead,” he teased, smiling at her so brightly that something twisted in her chest.

It had been so long since he had looked at her like that.

She rubbed her eyes and threw a glance at the clock, it was almost eleven. No wonder he was wide awake.

Ignoring the teasing, she smiled back.

“You look a lot better today.”

“Yeah, I do feel a lot better, a lot less dizzy and sore. Admittedly, that’s probably the healing session they’ve squeezed in, together with the painkillers. And I…uh...might have thrown up a bit,” he said, his cheeks taking a pinkish hue with the admission, “so they gave me some tablets, and it really helped.”

Hanabi smiled back at him and said that she was glad to hear it when something caught her eye on the small table next to his bed. A ‘Get Well’ card.

He followed her gaze and gave a sheepish grin when he saw what she was looking at.

“Ah, yeah. Boruto and the others were here earlier. I suspect the card’s Sarada’s doing. They told me they were here last night, but that you went full parental on their asses and chased them outta here,” he explained before his grin grew wider again. “Oh, and Boruto wanted me to tell you that drooling in your sleep isn’t very ladylike,” he finished, obviously fighting hard not to show his amusement at her sour expression.

“...I’m actually going to skin him this time,” she muttered, though something in how he bit his lip to stop himself from grinning made her suspicious. “Or are you just making that up?”

“Me? I’d never! Don’t kill the messenger,” he defended himself laughing and held his good arm up in the air in a placating manner, though it didn’t completely convince her. She would have to get the truth out of one of them at some point. It would have to wait until another time though, as both a shadow clone of Naruto and Fuumi popped their heads in. Fuumi had just left the report with him and he had suggested them to visit.

It was close to lunch before they left. Konohamaru was scheduled for another healing session so Hanabi snuck out to get a quick bite and then sat to wait again.

…

Later in the afternoon, after school had finished, a group of teachers from the academy came to visit and see how he was doing.

This year’s genin exams were nearing and he had been meant to help host it. Now Moegi was going to take his place instead so they talked about that for a bit.

Not long after the teachers had arrived though, she saw him tiring. It was evident in how the small wrinkle between his brows deepened and how he, despite still chatting, had lost colour significantly compared to when she first saw him that morning. She was grateful when Moegi nudged the others to leave and suspected Moegi had noticed the same as she had.

Once they were alone again, she sighed and smiled at him saying that he should rest for a bit, but instead of agreeing, he frowned.

“In a little while. Listen, I don’t think we can ignore how we left things forever,” he said.

Her chest tightened. It wasn’t as if he was saying anything outrageous, but she hadn’t expected him to bring it up so soon. He was breaking his own pattern, but perhaps that was a good thing too?

Swallowing, Hanabi nodded. “Listen, I said some horrible things. I’m not sure you can forgive me, but—” she bit her lip, unsure how to proceed. She had been going over the fight in her head over and over more times than she could count, and she knew what she wanted to say, though getting it out was something completely different. She took a deep breath. It was now or never. “But please, know that I’m sorry. For everything.” She hesitated for a moment, dropping her gaze to find the right words. “I—I don’t want to keep fighting.”

He smiled softly. “Neither do I. I wasn’t fair either and should have controlled my temper better,” he admitted and grabbed her hand to squeeze it tightly. “How about we leave it behind us? And regarding the rest. What comes, comes?”

“Yes, I’d like that,” she returned the smile. Sakura had been right. Perhaps they weren’t completely fine yet, but they would get there, in time.

…

Hanabi convinced him to rest for a bit and snuck home to have a shower and a change of clothes. The next couple of days were mostly spent at the hospital, with a couple of trips home in between. Come evening on that first day, Konohamaru exasperatedly talked her out of staying another night, and virtually ordered her to go home instead.

He was discharged on the fourth morning, under strict conditions to come back once a day for a week for subsequent healing sessions, and not to remove the plastic brace covering his shoulder until Sakura gave her approval, lest she’d drag him back in there again.

Having very little doubt that she would make a reality of her threats, he obediently agreed to the terms. The mental image of Sakura dragging him back to the hospital by the ear would be sure to brighten Hanabi’s day for months ahead.

...

As soon as he stepped in through the door, Konohamaru unhinged the brace and let it fall to the floor, letting out a heavy sigh as he massaged the sore muscle underneath. Hanabi snorted at the sight. It looked like he had longed to do that for a while.

“You _are_ going to put it back on, right?”

“Yeah, yeah. In a moment. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable that thing is? And how itchy the skin gets underneath? And how hard it is to sleep with it on? I can’t wait until Sakura-san gives me the okay to ditch it completely,” he pouted, eyeing the plastic brace grumpily.

“All I hear is childish whining.” Dismissing his complaints with a quick wave, Hanabi went silent for a moment. “I was thinking. Perhaps you should take some time off. After the shoulder heals, I mean.”

“Hm? Where does this come from?”

“Oh, I just thought of it when you said it was hard to sleep with the brace on. The reason you are in this mess, to begin with, is because you haven’t been sleeping properly, right? So why not take some time afterwards to just relax?”

“...Thanks for the reminder, but I’ll be fine. I mean, it’s not like I can do anything right now, but I’d like to return to duty when I can,” he smiled and plonked down on the couch.

“Just think about it, will you?” she asked and sat next to him. “You don’t have to go back to work straight away once the shoulder heals. I meant what I said, setting aside the obvious injury, you need sleep. The accident was a direct result of slowed down reflexes due to sleep deprivation,” she argued before her lips quirked upwards slightly, “and besides, it’s not like we need your salary.”

“...You just managed to insult both my professional pride and my pride as a male in a single sentence. I think that’s a new record,” he commented wryly but couldn’t completely stop the grin from spreading across his face. He knew just as well as she did that what she said was true. Her position as clan leader ensured them a comfortable living. She was just teasing him about it. “You make it sound like I’ll be going back to work tomorrow. Something that’s not going to happen. I’ll have plenty of time to rest up and get bored doing nothing. Or do you have some ulterior motive for keeping me in the house?”

“Other than making sure you come back to the said house again, you mean? No, none that comes to mind,” she teased, though the dismissal didn’t deter him.

“Oh, none comes to mind, you say?” he leaned in closer and whispered in her ear, tickling that sensitive spot just below her jawline with his breath. “Then let me see if I can spark some ideas.”

She found herself breathing faster at the mere thought of what he would do to ‘spark some ideas.’

It had been _far_ too long.

When he gave her a small, tentative nibble she bit her lip to stop herself moaning. He noticed, of course, and grinned against her skin before beginning a slow descent of kisses along her neck.

Not thinking, she grabbed onto him and pulled him in closer, only to quickly let go when she felt him tense and clutch his shoulder, pressing his arm close to his body. He dropped his head and groaned in pain, and a stream of apologies fell off her lips as she steadied him the best she could. How could she have been so thoughtless?

“Son of a—that _hurt_ , Hanabi,” he complained once he’d gotten control of his vocal cords again and looked up from his half curled up position. Their eyes met, and when the corner of his lips twitched, so did hers.

Strict orders to rest and no strenuous activities, oops?

Once they both had gotten over their initial laugh over the mishap, she sent him to the bathroom with strict orders to have a shower, _and_ a shave.

He looked at her incredulously. Clearly, the dark shade on his cheeks had been the least of his concerns lately. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, you heard me,” she laughed. “That stubble doesn’t suit you in the least, and it tickles!”

“Hey, do you have any idea how hard it is to shave using your non-dominant hand?” he complained, and she snorted.

“Tss, I know precision isn’t your strongest suit, but I also know what you can do with both hands…” Neither her teasing nor the insinuation went over his head and a blush spread across his cheeks.

“Oi, that was _one_ time,” he grumbled. “And it wasn’t my fault! The tech wasn’t working properly.”

“Oh, stop whining. I’ll help you, but the beard’s got to go!”

“Fine,” he relented pouting, then he grinned, “Shower sounds good though. Join me, ey?”

Resisting the urge to whack him with her shoe, she chased him into the bathroom. Once there she helped him take his shirt off, chastising him for not keeping still and shushing him when he complained about her heartlessness. She had just gotten it over his injured shoulder when she caught a glimpse of his back below where the dressing stopped.

She had seen parts of his chest in the hospital—what wasn’t wrapped up—but this was the first time she had seen his back. All along his right side green and purple bruises bloomed, darker in the middle and beginning to fade around the edges—something he had the healing sessions to thank for, she assumed. Knowing that what she was looking at was only the tail-end of the injury, the rest still hidden under the dressings, the earlier banter left a sour taste in her mouth. She moved her hand to touch the dip of his lower back, noticing how close to his spine the diagonal bruises extended, and Sakura’s words popped uninvited into her mind.

He twitched slightly at the unexpected touch and looked at her. When he noticed what she was staring at, his gaze softened.

“Hey, c’mere,” he mumbled and pulled her into a hug. “Don’t worry about it, it’s not that bad, honestly, and I have nothing but myself to blame, right? Hey!”

She managed something at least faintly resembling a smile, even though it tasted bitter to know that he considered it his fault—something she didn’t agree on—and wordlessly helped him off with the rest of the shirt. Steeling herself, she unwrapped the bandages around his chest—telling herself that it was better not to dwell on it—and tried not to let it show how much she hated the sight.

Leaving the plastic dressings over his shoulder and upper back to be removed and replaced afterwards, they both stepped in under the shower. She pretended not to hear him wince when the hot water first touched the deep bruises and torn skin but turned down the heat and pressure and pulled him into another hug under the cascading water. Swallowing deeply to rid herself of the lump in her throat, she hugged him tighter when she felt him sigh wearily and drop his head to rest on her shoulder.

They stood so, silently, for a little while before he lifted his head again and gave a tired lopsided grin. She returned the smile and moved up to capture his lips in a gentle kiss he met halfway.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****  
>  **A/N: Updated tags, please read before continuing.**   
> 

****Konohamaru’s POV** **

That first week went by fast. Konohamaru was given the okay to stop using the brace by the end of it—something he was relieved to hear and was instead given exercises to prevent loss of mobility. Frustratingly light exercises focusing on keeping the muscles active, but not strained, that felt far too easy for his taste.

As soon as he could, he resumed normal training too and cursed under his breath when he threw out his arm too fast blocking an imaginary blow and was rewarded with a searing pain spreading across his shoulder and back for his efforts. Clearly, too early. 

Despite knowing, logically, that the muscles and bones needed time to heal, it was still frustrating having to take it slow. Hanabi would get on his case about it if she saw, but she wasn’t home, something he was quite grateful for. 

Sighing, Konohamaru resumed training, though at a slower speed. Going through the sets, his thoughts kept drifting. 

There was only so much doting a person could handle, and while he knew she meant well, it was starting to get on his nerves. The first week he had been grateful. It was annoyingly difficult to do anything with his arm in the brace, not to mention that he was sore all over, but now he was meant to move the arm, and she still insisted on helping him non-stop. It wasn’t as if it was the first time either of them had gotten injured, admittedly perhaps not as bad, but the risks came with the profession, and she had never reacted this strongly before. If he was completely honest it was slightly unnerving, this sudden new tendency to dote on him. 

Hanabi was more a ‘tough love’ kind of woman, and Konohamaru didn’t quite recognise this new side of her. He understood that she felt guilty, though he didn’t really understand why, and wasn’t sure how to act around her. Which, judging by her actions, was mutually felt. They were both trying to find their way back to each other, and bit by bit, one awkward interaction and one nervous smile at a time, he thought they were slowly getting closer, mainly through the common ground of banter. It was always easier to communicate via a mutually understood teasing than more serious conversation.

By the end of the third week, the initial restlessness had grown to the point of being impossible to ignore. Most of his energy had returned, but even with the initial healing sessions his shoulder and ribs still needed more time, and he hated feeling so useless. 

Having finally convinced Hanabi to cut back a bit on the doting, he could have sworn she looked a bit bummed out about it. Sometimes he had no clue what was going on in the head of that woman. 

…

A month after getting injured, Konohamaru resumed active duty. While still finding it hard to go to sleep, it was at least easier than it had been, and he hoped being more active again would help even further. There had been nights thoughts about taking a beer or two, to dim the thoughts in his mind and help him pass out, but he didn’t want to rely on alcohol again. Nor did he want to take the sleeping pills he had been prescribed in the hospital either, for the same reason. He wasn’t sure how to fix it but didn’t want to take the easy way out anymore, so for now, one day at the time would have to do.

Additionally, while it had been nice being home and spending more time with Hanabi, she had her duties too, and even though she never gave even the slightest hint, he often felt slightly…in the way. Konohamaru had, simply put, been bored at home, and being unable to work out properly due to the injuries, been unable to expel excess energy that way.

Having been summoned to the Hokage to receive his first mission since the accident, Konohamaru found himself stumped when Naruto told him he would be rostered on front-gate guard duty for the next month. 

Not wanting to disagree with Naruto but quite not believing his ears, Konohamaru blinked, chin dropping. “Ah? Guard duty?”

“Yeah! Didn’t think I’d do it, would ya?” Naruto asked with a questioningly raised eyebrow and the corners of his mouth twitching in amusement at the younger man’s bewilderment. 

Konohamaru closed his mouth when he realised he was staring. Was Big Bro serious? Of course, every task was important and nothing to scoff at--he had been drilling that into his team for years. Moreover, he had been on front gate duty many times before when he was younger and a newly made Chunin, but that was decades ago. “Do what?! I…I don’t mean to complain, but—”

Naruto frowned, confusing Konohamaru even more. “Eh, you know? I told Hanabi to tell you that you need to be more careful in the future or else I would put you there permanently…”

“Oh…” now things were starting to make sense. “No, she didn’t say anything, must’ve slipped her mind, hey…” 

Naruto gave a hearty laugh, breaking the awkward confusion in the room. “Ha, Don’t worry about it then. Na. Here’s the mission…” he explained and handed Konohamaru a scroll, still shaking his head at the miscommunication. “Didn’t realise she hadn’t told you...” 

...

They had another fight that night. 

Hanabi didn’t want him to go, and Konohamaru was reminded of when she had suggested that he should stay home even after his shoulder had healed. Then he hadn’t completely understood what Hanabi had been asking, but now he thought he was beginning to. Setting aside the obvious reasons she had given, she craved his company.

Not wanting to disappoint or imply that he wasn’t happy, he remained silent for a moment. How to explain that he thought that he might actually go crazy if he had to stay inactive any longer. Konohamaru didn’t just want to resume duty, he _needed_ it. Just when he thought of how impossible the situation was, he recalled Hanabi had gone through the same thing...

It was hard not to think of all those months she had been locked inside the house, or even ordered bed rest, running clan business from the bedroom while trying to remain sane wondering if she would be able to carry the baby that time or not, and then ultimately trying not to let another miscarriage crush her. Konohamaru had known, theoretically, of her frustrations and on one levelled shared them, but not understood fully just how maddening Hanabi must have felt her situation to be, and he found a renewed respect and understanding for his wife. 

He didn’t want to hurt her and he wasn’t sure what to say, but when he saw Hanabi bite her lip to stop herself from crying, a sign he had become all too familiar with over the years, Konohamaru took her in his arms, and soon enough she trembled with unshed tears. She clutched his clothes and reached up to kiss him fervently. 

Konohamaru’s eyes widened in surprise when Hanabi first kissed him, he hadn’t expected _that_ , but he answered the kiss and soon deepened it. Her hand moved up to touch his cheek as his arms snaked up around her waist, pressing her closer to him. As the kiss intensified, a small moan vibrated through her throat and he reciprocated her eagerness, reacting to the way she leaned into him and the little gasp she let out when he dropped his hand to grab her ass. She pulled away from him and nodded towards their bedroom with questioningly raised eyebrows and a slightly sheepish smile. 

He wasn’t about to disagree with her suggestion.

Letting her take the lead to the bed, where he stopped her by reaching up to let his hand gently trace her waist from behind before it came to rest on her hip as he closed the distance between them. Leaning down to gently kiss the nape of her neck, Konohamaru let his other hand sneak up around her waist to cup her breast while he gave her a small nip and pressed himself up against her ass. Relishing in the small gasp she let out, he bit down harder when her hand moved up to grab his hair. Hanabi untangled herself from him and spun around to reclaim his lips as she pulled him down over her with force, dropping down on the bed in the same motion. 

Konohamaru smirked, recognising her intentions he obediently let her take control. _For now_. 

Nudging him down on the bed and pushing him down on his back, she straddled him and pulled off his scarf. First, he didn’t think anything of it, assuming she would simply drop it on the floor next to them, but Hanabi apparently had other plans. Grabbing his hands, she moved them up above his head and wrapped his wrists in the scarf before tying it to the railing of the headboard, making a knot and pulling it tight. 

Konohamaru raised his eyebrows in a silent question, the corner of his mouth jerking upwards slightly in amusement. 

So she was in _that_ mood, huh?

Hanabi pulled at the knot a couple of times, and when satisfied that it wouldn’t come loose she bent down, so low that he could feel her warm breath fanning his lips. Eager to close the last few millimetres between them, but knowing that it wouldn’t be ‘allowed,’ he waited. Soon enough she gave a small smirk when he showed nothing but obedience. She brushed their lips together in a featherlight movement that did little to satisfy his need to kiss her, but rather further ignited his cravings to touch her, sending waves of heated desire straight down to the pit of his stomach.

Suppressing a low moan and an instinctive jerk forward to reach her lips properly, he waited still. She would have to work a lot harder than that to get what she wanted out of him. 

Frowning slightly at the lack of response, Hanabi surged forward, capturing his lips in a rough kiss and sucking in his bottom one in between hers, gracing it with her teeth and trailing her tongue over it in the exact way she knew drew him mad before pulling away without a warning. This time he couldn’t stop the needy whine in his throat, but he cut himself off when he saw her smug smile. 

Rolling her eyes at his stubbornness, Hanabi straightened. Taking a moment to unzip his shirt, she spread it open with her hands running up his abs and chest before planting them on either side of his head as she bent down low again. Konohamaru’s breath hitched when she kissed his neck, first gently, but soon applying more force. His skin burned where she trailed her lips down his neck and gave quick nips every so often, and he bit his lip to stop a low moan from escaping when she latched onto his collarbone, sucking hard. By the time she let go to continue her descent down his chest, his skin tingled, and he was panting heavily.

Hanabi reached his nipple, and despite his best intentions, he drew in a hissing breath when she took it in her mouth, playfully twirling it around with her tongue and grazing it with her teeth. Konohamaru’s thighs twitched and hips jerked when she pulled it into her mouth with her lips, taking the other between her fingertips to pinch lightly, and even though he couldn’t see her expression, he knew she was grinning at the reactions she dragged out of him. It was a game they were playing, a game of teasing, pulling, and pushing to see who would give in first. 

Lifting her gaze to meet his, she grinned and gave a nip before sitting up and unzipping his pants. He swallowed but obediently lifted his hips off the bed so that she could pull them down together with his underwear. 

Hanabi hovered above him, still dressed, and all he could think of was how he couldn’t wait to rip every single piece of clothing off her. 

_Not yet_. 

Even though he easily predicted what was coming and tried to brace himself, he had to bite his lip to stop the moan from escaping as she took him in her mouth, twirling her tongue around the tip before sucking, hard. His body tensed and his hands clutched at the fabric holding him in place. It was all he could do not to give in to the impulse of breaking free and bending her over. It would be __so__ easy. But the rewards for patience outweighed the satisfaction of giving in to her game and playing right into her palm. 

Hanabi continued her administrations relentlessly, giving him no breather and soon he was panting hard— _fuck she was good at that_. When she—without warning—released him, he didn’t even bother trying to stop the needy whine building in his throat. 

Sitting up to straddle his thighs, Hanabi wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, smiling innocently. 

That did it. 

To hell with the game, it was time to throw things around. 

Without giving her a chance to protest, he freed himself, grabbed her waist, and rolled her over on her back. Her eyes widened in surprise and he considered it a small win. 

“Hey, that’s cheating,” she muttered frowning, and he grinned. 

“Yeah, call it whatever you want. I really don’t care, ey.”

Hanabi pouted, and he ducked down to catch that adorable lower lip between his, enjoying catching her off-guard again. “You’re so cute when you’re making that face,” Konohamaru murmured. To make up for earlier, he let his hand sneak in under the collar of her kimono to slide it off her delicate shoulders while the other pulled at her obi strap to loosen the pants, and her clothes quickly fell to the floor under his eager administrations.

Even though he made no attempt to restrain her, she allowed him to take the lead, not minding the switch. Having remained quiet while he undressed her, she let out a small yelp of surprise when he sneaked an arm in under her ass and hoisted her higher up on the bed. 

Having her exactly where he wanted, Konohamaru took a moment to appreciate her naked body under him. No matter how much time that passed, or how much her body changed, he would never stop being grateful for how lucky he was that she was his. She was so _beautiful_. And smart, and sassy, and strong, and, _his_. 

And… surprisingly shy for someone with the amount of spunk in her, he noted in amusement when she squirmed under his gaze. 

Leaning in close, he smirked. “You’re so fucking hot,” he breathed into her ear, giving it a quick nibble and kissing the spot just below her jawline. She shuddered, and the small tremor turned him on even further. 

Sure, they moved through the motions in an almost choreographed dance that only came with experience. So attuned to one another that no words were needed, but even though it was a game they had played so many times over, he never tired of hearing the small noises he drew out of her. Knowing that he could elicit the small gasps, moans, and panting breaths out of her fueled his own cravings, making him almost painfully hard. 

Letting his fingers trail across her flat stomach down towards her centre, he made sure to take her nipple in his mouth and suck hard at the same time as his hand reached its goal, and grinned around her breast at the whimper she let out. 

She was already soaking wet.

_Good._

Carefully pressing a finger into her to wet it, he relished in how she arched into his touch. Pulling the finger out and drawing a couple of lazy circles around her clit, he smirked when she glared at him through a few strands of hair that had come loose. 

Message received, loud and clear. _Get on with it._

Propping himself up on his elbows, Konohamaru gently pushed the hair out of her face with his fingertips and kissed the frown away. As Hanabi answered the kiss, he felt a hand on his lower back pushing him down towards her. Obliging, a low moan slipped out when her heated wetness surrounded him, but he didn’t care. She felt so _good_. Feeling her hands dip lower to grab his ass encouragingly, he eagerly rolled his hips to match. 

Fuck—He wasn’t going to deny it, makeup sex was great.

 

…

Afterwards, sweaty and entangled in each other and the wrinkled sheets, they resumed the earlier conversation in a calmer mumble, eventually finding a middle ground. He was going to go on the mission in the morning, and when he came back he would ask for another week off. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to my wonderful Beta Readers kairi-chan and spacerune from tumblr. Love you, girls!

Hanabi’s POV

When he left the next morning, she called Hinata. The mansion felt empty again, and a far too familiar restlessness threatened to take over. Her sister invited her over to her place, and she didn’t have to think long about the offer. 

Autumn had come early that year and despite bundling up in a big coat she shivered in the cold breeze. She had thought that the building anxiety that had brewed since left would settle if she got out of the house, but as she rushed through the streets of Konoha, rather than settling, the tightening of her chest increased. 

She came to a stop outside Hinata and Naruto’s house, the reason for her visit lost somewhere between the phone call and the walk. 

It was stupid.

What was she going to say? That she felt like she was losing herself a little bit more every day. That she was terrified of getting pregnant again because she wasn’t sure she could cope with going through all of it again? That she was jealous of the beautiful children her sister had had so easily? That she still felt guilty about feeling jealous, and accusing her husband of cheating and that she didn’t want him to take on more missions, because she didn’t want any more phone calls? 

The more she hesitated, the harder it got to breathe. Hinata wouldn’t know what to do. She wasn’t used to talking to her sister about anything more than trivial matters. They simply didn’t have that kind of bond. 

Just as she decided that she needed to turn around, her sister opened the door, smiling. 

“I saw you in the window, come in! It’s cold today.” 

Her sister, ever kind and inviting, motioned for her to step inside, and Hanabi followed. 

Offering to take her coat, Hinata asked her to make herself comfortable while she brought them both tea. Once settled on the couch in the living room with a steaming cup in hand, Hanabi tried to keep the conversation light by asking about Boruto and Himawari, and Hinata shared the latest updates. The exchange of shallow enquiries and platitudes didn’t keep Hinata unaware though. Her gaze fixated on Hanabi, without saying anything out loud, she made it clear that she would keep up the small talk, if that was what her sister wished, but by letting one hand reach out and squeeze Hanabi’s, she also made sure that Hanabi knew she would listen, if Hanabi changed her mind. 

Finding Hinata’s gaze too much to handle, Hanabi looked down on the hand gently squeezing hers, and she swallowed. The darn lump in her throat was back, and with each breath, it grew until she could barely breathe at all. Balling her fists, she tried to keep the tears under control by breathing slowly, but when Hinata shuffled closer so that she sat next to Hanabi and silently put her other arm around Hanabi’s shoulder, she couldn’t hold on any longer.

As her sister’s arms wrapped themselves around her to engulf her in a warm, tight hug, burning tears filled her eyes, leaving salty trails as they fell. For how much time she couldn’t remember, only now it didn’t feel as suffocating. Even though no more words were exchanged, the tears brought a relief she hadn’t expected—or even thought to hope for. 

...

The first flowers of the new year had just about finished blossoming when Hanabi realised that she was pregnant again.

Almost six months had passed since they decided to stop trying and let whatever may come. It had sounded fine at that moment, but right now, standing in the bathroom frantically clutching the small plastic stick and with bile rising in her throat, she found herself shaking. 

_Not again._

She couldn’t do it again. 

A sudden, brutal wave of dread knocked the wind out of her and she dropped to the floor listlessly, never taking her eyes off the stick with the two small lines in her hand. All the same, somewhere deep inside she couldn’t help the small hope already beginning to spread in her chest. 

She was a fool, that would never change, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to, either. 

She wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting there when Konohamaru found her, but her legs had fallen asleep and her neck ached from the awkward position she had first taken and then not thought of adjusting later. Taking in the sight before him, he dropped to his knees in front of her and hugged her tightly. 

She wasn’t alone. Come what may, they were in it together, and the thought was endlessly comforting.

Time moved, as it always did. As the weeks went by, Hanabi became more and more restless. Closely monitored by the doctors, she felt caged in and buried herself in work to ignore the intrusive thoughts. Making matters worse, the worried glances from friends and family burned at her neck. Well-meaning comments and all too many eyebrows raised in pity made her reluctant to step outside more than absolutely necessary. 

Seeing the glances and the thinly veiled friendly advise followed by sympathetic tilts of the head and pitying smiles was infuriating. She felt more like a container than a person and that people weren’t seeing her for anything but a vessel, and a broken one at that.

 

Konohamaru was busy, but when he was home he would tell her to stop worrying and calm down, and she really had to fight the urge to tell him to bugger off. Or at least tell him to look up how many times anyone had ever calmed down by being told to do so. He would be in for a surprise, she was sure. 

The first trimester came and went without too much excitement, and Hanabi was too preoccupied with running the clan to notice that the days were getting warmer and the nights shorter. Without her realising it, summer had reached its highest point, and as her belly started showing the first small signs of swelling, the dread from those first weeks returned. She ignored them and told herself she was fine. She wanted this more than anything, and she was determined not to let the past cloud the present. 

…

Looking through her wardrobe in search for her usual attire, she chewed on her lip thoughtfully and made a mental note to get the washing done when she got home. For some reason, it seemed a bit emptier than usual, and she figured most of it must be in the wash. Household chores having never been her greatest passion in life, these small inconveniences often seemed to pile up on her if she wasn’t careful. Her sister had asked her to join her and Himawari at a newly opened café next to the train station that Hinata had been wanting to visit for some time, and Hanabi had thought getting out of the house for a bit could be a good idea. Perhaps the neverending restlessness would quiet down then, if only for a couple of hours.

When she arrived though—slightly late due to the clothing predicament, Hinata was nowhere to be found. Instead, she spotted her husband leaning against the front wall of the café sporting a huge grin and civilian clothes and standing next to _her_ suitcase. His grin widened when he saw her and he jumped up, virtually vibrating with enthusiasm. 

“There you are! Geeze, you picked a good one to be tardy. Come on, the train leaves soon!” he said and grabbed her hand to get her to come with him to the train station.

Hanabi blinked. 

Then she blinked again. “Excuse me?”

He laughed at her reaction and showed off another toothy grin as he gave a quick explanation.

“We’re going away on a trip. Come on. I have the tickets, but the train is leaving soon!”

“Hold your horses, Mr. I’m not going anywhere until you tell me exactly what’s going on,” she protested, eyebrows raised in bafflement. 

His gaze softened and he took her hands in his. “I’ve arranged for us to go away on a trip together, just you and I. We’ll take the train to the harbour and then a boat trip to the land of Waves. I got permission from Lord Seventh, and Sakura-san said it was okay for you to travel too, as long as you don’t overdo it. Since you seemed so stressed lately, and frankly, got _rude_ whenever I tried to talk to you about it, I thought it could be a good idea to get away from everything for a little bit.” 

She pursed her lips when he mentioned her being rude, but he said it with a glint in his eyes and a hearty laugh, and she couldn’t be grumpy about the teasing. Instead, she focused on more important matters. “But, how? How did you pull this off? And...the money! Where did you?—” 

His gaze slightly averted, he rubbed at the back of his neck and blushed sheepishly. “Na—uh, a wizard never reveals his secrets, ey,” he deflected, and she rolled her eyes. 

“Ok, first. It’s supposed to be ‘magician’, not ‘wizard’. You got the saying wrong. Second: Lame.” 

That earned another hearty laugh, and she couldn’t help but smile. His energy and good mood were infectious. It had been a long time since she had seen him so genuinely excited about anything. 

“Perhaps, but you’re stuck with me, so let’s get a move on before the train leave without us, hey!” he grinned and picked up the suitcase, nodding for her to come with him.

…

While the train ride had been a slow affair, the boat ride was anything but. 

 

She had been on boats before. However, a decently sized storm in combination with pregnancy proved a rather disastrous result. Having finished the first trimester she hadn’t expected her stomach to react so strongly, and judging by the horrified look on Konohamaru’s face, neither had he.

“Ah, I’m so sorry. Really didn’t think this through properly, did I?...” he apologised, putting a hand on her back to try to help her by rubbing soothing circles on her back while she tried to breathe through the waves of nausea. 

Though not intended that way, the movement only made her feel worse and she pushed him away,“No, please, don’t—” she groaned before answering. Despite clearly realising that it was more of a rhetorical question she muttered a grumpy, _‘No kidding,’_ under her breath—for good measure. He looked so guilty though—over wanting to give her a holiday—that she didn’t have the heart to be sour about it. Though, she made a mental note to never let him plan any holidays again, _ever_.

The trip had taken a full day, and having been unable to in get more than a couple of short kips here and there, she could barely keep her eyes open when they finally reached the shore, and only managed to stay awake long enough to have a quick shower once they checked in before falling asleep. 

…

It was dark when she at least partially regained consciousness, woken up by an annoying need to to use the bathroom. 

Laying still for a moment without opening her eyes, she took in her surroundings. From letting her fingertips play over the silken sheets of the soft bed, to listen to the calm, rhythmic breaths of her husband next to her and the equally rhythmic, faint sounds of waves splashing against the shore mixing with the distant chirping of a flock of cicadas. The calming sounds and sensations joined together, tempting her to roll over and drift off again. 

If it hadn’t been for the highly insistent complaints from her bladder, she would have done just that. 

A bleary glance at the clock on the dresser told her it was far too early to do anything but go back to sleep, so she dragged herself to the bathroom and then quickly back, eager to return to the warm, cosy bed. Crawling back in underneath the blankets, she nuzzled herself closer to him, and he shifted slightly, seemingly still mostly asleep. Inviting her into his arms, he mumbled something incoherent before sighing heavily and stilling once she had settled. 

Pressing her back tight against his chest she breathed in his scent, so familiar and relaxing, and closed her eyes again. 

_…_

As darkness first began to give way to the new day, Hanabi woke up again. First, she didn’t realise what had woken her, but then a small bump from the inside of her belly made her eyes whip wide open. Her hands settling on where she had felt the small kick, just under her ribs on her right, a smile spread across her face. “Hey there, little one,” she whispered softly, and another kick, this time slightly stronger, made her smile widen. “Are you saying it’s morning already?” she asked, and when two more kicks quickly followed she giggled quietly and reached over to shake Konohamaru. 

It took a little while to shake some life into him before he groaned and flipped over on his back. “mhm…?” he mumbled, eyes still closed and clearly unwilling to take the next step towards consciousness. 

“Wake up, she’s kicking,” Hanabi mumbled softly and brought his hand to the swell of her stomach, below her ribs. Within moments his eyes flew up, wide awake as the baby let him know that she was awake too and wanted contact with the outside world. He rested his hand lightly on her stomach for a good while with a goofy grin spreading wider with each kick. 

Then he must have registered what she told him while he was still half asleep. _“She?!”_ He blinked and looked at her with raised eyebrows.

Hanabi bit the inside of her mouth to stop the laughter slipping out at his perplexed expression. “No, I promise I didn’t find out behind your back, I just _know_ ,” she explained and giggled softly when his expression dropped slightly before he schooled his features into something more akin to exasperation to hide the very obvious disappointment. 

“Oh, right. Female intuition and all that, huh?”

“Yes, exactly. It’s all about the ‘female intuition, and all that,’” she teased, before sombering and smiling softly. “So, you would like a girl?” 

Konohamaru scratched the back of his head and gave a sheepish grin, “I dunno? I mean, it’s not like I haven’t thought about it, but we weren’t going to find out, so I just kinda put it to the side,” he explained, before a thought hit him and he narrowed his eyes at her. “Because you haven’t, right? You didn’t peek or anything, ey?” 

Hanabi rolled her eyes at his nonsense, _honestly._ Not honouring his silly suspicions with an answer, she laid down again, pulling him closer, and he obediently followed. It wasn’t quite morning yet, but she had slept far too much as it was, and would probably not be able to return to sleep. A lazy morning in bed on the other hand, that was _far_ too appealing to resist. 

...

When they couldn’t justify staying in bed any longer, the beautiful day hiding away behind closed curtains too compelling to ignore, they decided that the beach was definitely highest on the list of priorities. With a limited number of days, they both wanted to make the most of the trip. 

Hanabi dug through the suitcase he had packed for the both of them, and her brows furrowed when she couldn’t find what she was looking for. 

With one brow raised in sceptic exasperation, she looked up from the bag, “Did you actually manage to forget to pack swimwear for a trip to the beach?” 

Pausing halfway through tossing on a simple blue tee, he looked at her and paled. “Ah, eh. Well, no. I didn’t have any, honest. And uh… I found a bikini, but… um… it—I mean, well you know with you being... eh—Ididn’tthinkitwouldfitsoIthoughtwecouldbuysomenewstuffwhenwearrived. Pleasedon’tkillme. Ey?” he blurted out and gulped nervously. 

Hanabi stared at him for a second before bursting out in snorting laughter. Tact might not ever have been his most refined trait, but trying to politely say that your wife was too fat for her clothes couldn’t have been easy, no matter your level of diplomatic skills. Had she been the one to pack, she was sure she would have come to the same conclusion fairly quickly too. It just didn’t occur to her since she hadn’t been swimming for so long. She used to take Himawari to the pool when she was younger, but that was years ago. 

A new set, that fit a different body-shape than her non-pregnant 25 year-old-self sounded like a pretty good idea. 

Not that she had any intention of letting him off the hook that easy. “Fine, but I’ll pick them out. I’m sure you’ll look great in pink.” 

“Of course, I—wait, what?”

…

She hadn’t planned on going through with her threat but when they arrived at the beach shop, he eyed a rack of brightly coloured swimmers so nervously that she couldn’t help move closer to have a look. He actually whimpered when she picked up a pair of swim trunks covered in huge bright orange lilies and with a neon-pink background colour. 

Hanabi bit the inside of her lip to stop the laughter slipping out. Payback always tastes so sweet indeed. 

...

The days went by too fast for her liking. It had been so long since they had spent time together with no other purpose than relaxing and enjoying themselves. Thinking back, it would have been since their honeymoon? Which, some days, felt like another lifetime. 

Hanabi hadn’t expected it, but floating around in the tempered pool connected to the hotel and letting the water carry the extra weight for a little while felt like heaven. She was only six months in, but she already felt so _heavy_ , and the relief the water brought just felt indescribably good. Even sitting on the edge and dipping her legs, nibbling on a melting ice cream while watching the children splash around in the shallow end made her feel at peace.

Moonlight walks on the beach accompanied by nothing but the sound of the waves crashing against the cliffs followed dinners at restaurants, a different one every night. The days spent napping in the sun, leisurely strolling down the shopping district, or reading in the shade next to the pool. 

While she lapped up the afternoon sun, reading a trashy novel she found in a gift shop, next to her Konohamaru shifted restlessly. She was actually pretty impressed that he had lasted that long. Neither of them were the type to be satisfied kicking back and rolling their thumbs for an extended period of time, and while he was the one that had planned the trip, he was simply not used to doing nothing. She had far more experience on that matter. 

She pretended not to notice when he moved closer, leaning over her and hooking his chin in the little hollow of her collarbone to take a closer look at the book. 

“What are you reading?” he mumbled in her ear, and she shuddered when she felt his hand reaching up to gently trace the contour of her body, making it very clear that he wanted attention. And yet… as calloused fingers gently massaged her shoulders and he peppered small kisses against her jaw, she quickly lost track of the spot she was at in the book. 

It was almost annoying—how well he knew how to get her attention.

“Nothing that would interest you, but I really want to...mm—hey, stop that!” she broke off as he stopped tracing small kisses along her neck in favour of giving a quick, discreet nip at her nape. 

“Aw, come on. I know something much more fun to do than reading a stale old book,” he grinned mischievously. “It involves you, me, and a ridiculously large hotel bed,” he murmured and leaned in closer. 

Despite rolling her eyes at the lame wording of the suggestion, feeling his heated breath tickle her skin sent rushes of desire through her and she took a deep breath to control herself. 

“Is that so?” she asked nonchalantly in a vain effort to hide the excitement making her cheeks flush and her heart beat faster. Damn it. He really knew how to push her buttons, in all the right ways... 

...

Come evening on the last night—while repacking the bag, a kick made her lose focus on her task and stop for a moment. 

Hanabi sat down on the bed and let her hand rest on her stomach, a small smile betraying her thoughts. “Did you have a good time, little one?” she wondered out loud. 

She so badly wanted to believe—to hope—that it would be different this time. That there would be a future where she got to take her family back there to enjoy the beach together. Yet the neverending threat of loss held her back. The other miscarriages had happened earlier, which brought some comfort. If it would happen, it should already have done so, right? 

While logic made every argument for not getting her hopes up a strong one, she really was a lost cause, she thought as she gently stroked her stomach. She might have thought she once buried her hope, but somehow, it kept finding its way back into her heart, and she couldn’t decide if she was meant to be angry or joyful about that. 

A fool indeed.

…

When she first noticed a dull ache in her lower back, fear took hold. A gut-wrenching, paralyzing fear that left her trembling and gasping for air. It felt too similar to an occurrence she was far too familiar with.

She took a deep breath, scolding herself for allowing such thoughts to take over. 

Every day of the pregnancy had been a blessing and she was grateful beyond simple words that they had made it this far. She would have wished for a couple of more weeks, but they had made it to the ninth month, and if the baby decided that thirty-six weeks was all the time it needed, then she was ready too. 

She called him, and within a couple of minutes he was home, admonishing her for wasting time on him rather than getting herself to the hospital straight away instead.

She shut him up with a glare, and he grabbed her pre-packed bag and they made their way to the hospital. 

She was welcomed by a couple of midwives and led into a birthing suite, where she gratefully sat down on the bed in the middle of the room. The midwife checked the baby’s heartbeat and contractions and asked her a few questions. No, her water hadn’t broken, and no she didn’t feel any regular contractions yet. She felt Konohamaru tense behind her at what he thought were rude questions. Of course, she wasn't faking anything. She squeezed his hand to tell him to behave and answered the questions calmly. 

Once the midwife finished the questions, she smiled calmingly and told them to relax and make themselves comfortable, this was going to take a little while. She wasn’t officially in labour, but the process had started, and since hers was a high priority pregnancy, they wanted her to stay so they could monitor everything properly. 

Compared to her previous experiences, labour turned out to be tedious. In the beginning, she walked a lot, pacing up and down the corridors, but as the day progressed, the dull ache became more pronounced, only to a little later be replaced by waves of regular contractions gradually increasing in intensity.

By midnight she was thoroughly done with everything that had anything to do with labour. The pain of the contractions made her want to break something with her hands. Anything to take her mind off the waves of agony, even for just a moment. The chirpy voice of the midwife happily announcing how many centimetres she was dilated didn’t help, either. At one point Konohamaru grabbed her wrist just as she was about to throw the bowl of ice chips after the bubbly, oblivious woman stepping out of the room again. 

He held her wrist and looked at her pointedly. “She’s just doing her job. Let her be,” he reproached, and Hanabi dropped the bowl, slowly. Contemplating if it was worth the satisfaction of dumping the ice on him instead, she made a warning sound in the back of her throat, and he instantly let go of her wrist. “S—sorry. I didn’t—”

“I’d recommend you shutting up right about now,” she warned, and he sweatdropped and swallowed, nodding placatingly. Feeling another contraction approaching, her whole body tightened to brace itself for the coming wave and she grabbed his hand, squeezing _hard_. 

As the night progressed, so did the labour, and when Hanabi felt her body reacting on its own, forcing her violently into pushing, the familiar sensation of panic rose in her throat. Suddenly she couldn’t breathe properly and her vision blurred as tears burned behind her eyelids. 

Then a warm hand squeezed hers. Grounding. Calming. He was right there beside her, and that helped more than she could ever hope to express. 

As the darkness of the night gave in to the first faint light of dawn, Hanabi gave birth to a healthy little girl. 

The obstetrician asked if Konohamaru wanted to cut the cord, and through her post labour daze, with drugs and hormones rushing through her system, she saw him paling and shaking his head frenetically. Perhaps it was the exhaustion, perhaps it was the absurdity of it all, but she burst into laughter and told the doctor to get it over and done with. Apparently labour, with the screaming, and the blood, and everything else he could handle, but that was where he drew the line. 

Hanabi couldn’t care less, she just wanted to hold her baby. 

She absently noted that her hands trembled as they put the little girl in her arms. 

Mesmerised, she watched her wrinkly little face scrunch up even further as she voiced her opinion about being born, _loudly._ Then she opened her eyes, and Hanabi’s throat thickened again as she saw her own reflecting in the white irises of the Hyuuga clan.

Konohamaru, standing next to them both, stretched out a hand that shook even more than Hanabi’s, and gently stroked the dark fuzz at the top of the tiny head. Then he bent down and gave Hanabi a kiss on the forehead. “She’s beautiful,” he mumbled. “Just like her mother.” 

The tears she had fought so hard to hold back the whole night burst forward. Loud, snivelling sobs broke through, and she didn’t even bother trying to stop them. 

She was holding her daughter. 

Her perfect little Hikaru. 

She who captures. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finished! This little fic that I never thought would see the light of day is finally complete. If you made it this far, I would just like to say thank you so much for sticking with me and that I hope you all have a great 2019! <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of LLF Comment Project, whose goal is to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites:
> 
> Short comments
> 
> Long comments
> 
> Questions
> 
> “<3” as extra kudos
> 
> Reader-reader interaction
> 
> LLF Comment Builder
> 
> This author replies to comments.


End file.
